While an excessive need to be liked is not healthy for you or your leadership, being likable has the opposite effect. Simply stated, people are more likely to do as you want them to do if they like or admire you. Sure, there will be times when you need to be assertive and even unpopular, such as when a tough stand is called for. But you can counter the negative impact of this by having likability credits already in the bank. You do this in small ways, every day, without kissing up or pretending to be someone that you are not. We are not all born with magnetic personalities, but there are things you can do to become more likable, while still being you. Here are the top ten:
- Know what you stand for and let it shape all that you do. Charismatic leaders live out a calling or purpose, seeing life and leadership as a positive challenge that they embrace enthusiastically. You cannot inspire others if you are not inspired yourself. You need to really feel the words you are saying. And if you don’t feel it, don’t say anything at all.
- Radiate optimism. Napoleon once said, a leader is a dealer in hope. As a leader, you shape the meaning that others attach to the events around them. Rudolph had a big problem with his red nose until Santa put it to good use. You cannot change what has already happened, but you can reframe it in a positive way and put it to good use. People are attracted to leaders who give them hope—the hope that, despite whatever challenge lies before them, they can create a future that will turn out okay.
- Present yourself well. Despite a popular myth to the contrary, looks do matter because they subconsciously shape what people think about you and your message. Maybe this should not be so. Perhaps it is sad to think of humanity as such shallow, irrational and unintelligent beings, but that is what we are at one time or another. However, even if you look like me, this doesn’t mean you need to rush off to the plastic surgeon. Instead, focus on the things you can easily control. Make sure that you dress well and maintain good posture. Pay attention to personal grooming. Smile often and make regular eye contact.
- Be seen. Research shows that the more people see you, the more they come to like you. This is why many politicians include a photo of themselves on their letterhead. It is also why you are more likely to strike up a friendship with people you see each day. Become a familiar face among those you lead. Be seen. Furthermore, be seen where it counts.
- Highlight how you are similar to those around you. The more people can relate to you and your experience, the more likely they are to find you appealing. This doesn’t mean you that you need to ‘become like them’. Rather, look for things that you already share in common—similar attitudes, interests, values or backgrounds—and then plug these connections.
- Give genuine compliments. People tend to like people who like them. We are all suckers for flattery. People will like you more if they know that you notice, appreciate and value them. Of course, compliments work best when they are genuine. However, research shows that people will typically give you the benefit of the doubt and simply accept the flattery.
- Initiate more conversations. Leaders who talk more and who consistently connect with people are seen as more warm and friendly than those who wait to be spoken to, or who only talk when they want something done. Research also shows that staff view these leaders as more participative, whether or not that’s actually the case.
- Listen and listen well. Research shows that leaders who listen are perceived as being more effective by their staff. As Shaun explained in his article, Listen Like a Leader Should, to listen well, you need to fully attend to the person you are with and be open to learning more about them and their view of the world.
- Be kind and considerate. People remember the little things that show you care. One way to do this is through random acts of kindness. There are entire books, foundations and even clothing labels dedicated to this concept. Yet, perhaps a more thoughtful approach is to follow up your listening with small acts that help people on those things that really matter to them.
- Honour your commitments. From little things such as being on time, to following through on promises you make, people like individuals whom they can depend on. Be careful what you commit to and always honour your commitments.
