Managing our emotions can often be a challenging task. It is human nature to give in to impulsive behavior and react based on what we feel. But doing so can frequently lead to a regretful behavior. I will share with you a proven approach to successfully managing your emotions—shifting your attention.
Emotions are largely determined by what we think about. Robert Richardson and Katharine Thayer illustrate this point in their book on charismatic leadership, in which they recall a conversation with a resident of a nursing home. When they asked how she was doing, the reply was a lifeless, dejected list of various ailments. But when they noticed family photos displayed on the mantel and asked which of her grandchildren made her laugh the most, the woman’s demeanor changed noticeably. By simply shifting the woman’s attention away from her troubles to something good in her life, the tenor of the conversation and the woman’s emotions were changed substantially.
This is an example how our emotions are heavily influenced by our current thoughts. Therefore, if you can change the focus of your attention, you can change the way you feel.
But to simply tell yourself, “I will stop thinking about how so-and-so irritates me” will not work. The very process emphasizes the thought that makes you upset, highlighting the emotion and automatically refocusing your conscious awareness of it.
Associated Thoughts
Truly shifting your attention can be difficult, especially when you are in the grip of intense emotions. Our minds store information as a collection of associated ideas. Put simply, you are more likely to recall sad memories when you are sad. In the same way, you are more likely to recall events that made you anxious when you are anxious over something at the moment. What you need, therefore, is a set of a pre-prepared positive distractors that you can use whenever the need arises.
One powerful method is Tony Buzan’s “mind map”, in which you structure your positive memories, enabling you to harness the associative power of your mind. Below is an illustration of the mind map to guide you. You can also use a PDF template of the image to personalize your own mind map.
Managing Emotions With Positive Distractors
The key is to think about other things instead. Psychologists refer to this as “distraction”, a process in which you change the focus of your thinking into something else. Ideally, you will want to think about things that will put you into your desired emotional state.
- If you are angry, you will want to bring to mind things that make you grateful
- If you are worried, you will want to focus on things that make you feel safe and secure
- If you are despondent, you will want to remember the times when you were justifiably optimistic and filled with hope
Indeed, you can change the way you feel by shifting your attention to positive thoughts. In the process, you not only avoid confrontations, but you also become a happier person.
