Earlier in the week, we launched yet another of our Hard Conversations programmes. This one we launched in Sydney. It is our most popular programme to date and living proof that the work would be easy if it weren’t for people. Therefore, I found it timely when I came across an article by Harvard voice, Peter Bregman, about when to confront someone.
Bregman shared what he called “the rule of three” to help you decide when to confront someone about what may seem like a minor issue. In a nutshell, Bregman suggests that you can ignore the first two occurrences of an offense, but if it is repeated a third time, then you need to bring it up with the person concerned. Like any rule of thumb, it is not perfect. However, I think it is a great guide. It helps you avoid “toxic niceness”, in which your desire to avoid confronting others creates an environment that isn’t good for you or your workplace.
In Hard Conversations, we use a different rule of thumb. We call it the one-sleep rule. If someone does something that gets under your skin, sleep on it one night to help you get a bit of perspective. In the morning, if you decide that it is worth raising the issue, do so that day. This keeps you from subtly avoiding the issue, waiting for the “right time” that never seems to come. It also keeps your feedback fresh.
Do you have your own rule of thumb worth sharing?
